(Monday, January 9, 2017)
Welp – as much as I had hopes for 2017, many of those hopes are slowly being pulled through the crack in the doorframe. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it will be fine, but I have yet to find some time to myself in 2017 and really, it’s draining AF.
Quick reminder – AF = “as fuck” and I’m SO keeping this figurative phrase that got ever so popular last year, but it will so heavily apply to this year. And as we all know, these things take a while to fade.
Here’s the real deal, for me, myself and I – don’t forget what you focused on in the last year. Taking time for yourself, not over-stressing, over-working, and TRY not to overthink the inevitable.
Today, I read a lot of things about Trump. (And side note – I’ve gone down this rabbit hole before – this is nothing new, but was inevitably leading to a post about this shit). They really upset me. I answered a phone call shortly after with “Hi.” A literal Hi with a period, which in human sub context means “why the fuck are you calling, you don’t even deserve a question mark, Hi.” Like I don’t even want to give you one now. I just don’t want to ask questions because I hate answers. I hate ALL the answers. I hate reading endless comments about pro-Trump or anti-Trump and feeling endlessly confused, but only certain that this country is confused and it needs to get its head on straight.
There are SO many good arguments, anti-Trump. I have yet to read anything pro-Trump that makes me thing anything decent about this president elect and its followers. My bottom lines is – I cannot support someone I cannot respect. Plain and simple. This feels like Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It can’t get any worse, and it makes my bad days feel worse. I feel for many, but oppose a staggering number of the United States population, and am naturally left to wonder – where will it leave us?
I’ve waited almost two months to address this shit. Why? Because I don’t need the “answers” I’ll get. Whether they are trying to persuade me or prove a point, I don’t want to hear them. But I had to say something. The only way I was going to rectify my blog year was to speak up about what’s on my fucking mind. A lot of things are on my mind, but this is been brewing in the depths of my stomach for a while and I just can’t seem to write anything, if it’s not the truth – and if it’s not avoiding something that I just can’t get past. It just sits and breeds within my gut, unless I choose to do something about it. I’m finding my willpower against myself has always been somewhat varied – and weak against itself. Why are we as human beings so weak against ourselves? Why HAVE we been so weak? As strong as we like to appear to be, I think many of us weaken under mental condemnation. Now more than ever..
So YOU – don’t just take my word for it. How do you feel about what I am saying? What research have you done to fully understand what it is I’m expressing? I’m asking questions now, only to provoke your thought. Not your words, unless your thought leads you to an enforced to desire to speak/write your thoughts to me. Because you will not sway me – not on this issue at hand. But I do want to hear you speak. As bad as it will make my day, if you oppose, I will always listen. If you something to say, I will try to understand it as best I can. Just like you read this post to try and understand me. That’s all I can ask.
My hopes for 2017 are fairly simple when it comes to explaining in one sentence – I want to understand and enhance the essence of my art, my work and my relationships. This is not specific to 2017, but to my life in general. Infinite wisdom may not be possible, but the infinite path to wisdom is.. don’t forget to keep asking questions, even if they’re without a question mark.